SHIFT “WHAT IF” TO “WHAT IS”

Contributed by: Ginger Rothhaas, Compassion Fix

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As human beings with access to 24/7 news coverage of global crises, pandemics, financial uncertainty, you name it, we spend a lot of time awfulizing: spiraling down a rabbit hole of “What if?” questions.

We can’t help ourselves. There are a lot of moving parts in our lives and a lot of things that could go wrong. Somehow, we feel safer if we’ve considered every possible outcome and what potential devastation might lie ahead.

Awfulizing begins with fear, before our imagination turns it into a worst-case scenario very quickly. You might start with a fear like “the stock market is crashing” and spiral down from there:

·       What if I lose everything I gained in the last five years?

·       What if I can't retire as planned?

·       What if the nation goes into a deep depression?

·       What if my company has to close?

·       What if I can't find another job?

·       What if our lifestyle has to change drastically?

·       What if I have to file bankruptcy?

Awfulizing can be toxic. When we are afraid, our amygdala—the “fight or flight” part of our brains kicks into high gear, and cortisol floods our bodies, keeping us on high alert. This can be harmful to our sleep, relationships, productivity, and mental health.

We can stop the awfulizing and quiet that amygdala by shifting into the pre- frontal cortex, the calm and rational center of our brain. And we can do that by asking ourselves “What is?” questions instead.

When you notice you are spiraling deep down into the what-ifs, you can pull yourself out by asking:

·       What is happening right here, right now?

·       What is true?

·       What is right?

·       What is good?

·       What is healthy?

·       What is in this moment?

·       What is likely to happen?

·       What is his track record?

·       What is she made of?

·       What is our connection?

·       What is real?

Asking “What is?” questions helps your brain feel safer, reminds you of the truth, and brings you back to the present moment. Remember, our big, beautiful brains are always trying to keep us safe. They love to imagine every scenario and add a disastrous twist or two. But our job is to notice when this is happening and steer those beautiful brains back to a much safer place: the present. Coming back to what is true at this moment, right here, right now, is a lifeline for quieting our worries.

TRY THESE

Self-talk is a powerful tool to help our brain find calm and rational thinking. The moments you tell yourself you are fine link together into minutes, hours, days, weeks. When you notice that you are thinking about worst-case scenarios, try the following steps and self-talk prompts:

1.     Look at factual data and ask yourself: “what is real?" Often, we start with a fact, then add imagined—and often sensationalized—outcomes. Filter through to find the real story by trying this self-talk: “I am only reading/watching [a trusted source] for updates, and I will be careful not to add a horrible story to the facts. When I catch myself asking ‘what if something bad happens to me?’, I promise to also ask ‘what if nothing bad happens to me?’”

2.     Hold onto perspective and ask yourself: “what is likely to happen?” Remind yourself of the threats you have already feared and survived throughout your life— even when you weren’t sure that you would. Remember that you will survive this one too. Try this self-talk: “[your name], remember when you did nuclear bomb drills at school and a nuclear bomb never hit? Remember when you thought you had eaten contaminated romaine, but you hadn’t? You are afraid now too, but in the past, you’ve over-worried about things that never occurred. That is probably the case today.”

3.     Educate yourself and ask yourself: “what is true?" Determine three things you can do to help keep yourself safe during the crisis. What do the experts say to do? What does research tell us? Once you have those three things, write them down. Your brain will then be satisfied that you have a plan and it will quiet the amygdala response to your fear. Then, try this self-talk: “[your name], you have done your homework on this crisis and you know what you need to know. Now, let’s go do something that makes you feel peaceful and calm.” Assess your adrenaline addiction and ask yourself: “what is healthy?” Do you feel a high when you turn on the news and see a breaking story? Do you then feel a wave of fear after that initial excitement? You might be getting a chemical rush when you read about a new virus outbreak or a new development in a tragic story. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you; it just means you may need to wean yourself off from things that upset you. Try this self-talk: “[your name], you seem to like watching for updates, but I think you’ve had enough. This is harmful to your brain. What else could we do that seems exciting, but doesn’t upset you as much?” Stay in the present and ask yourself: “what is in this moment?” Deep breathing sends oxygen to your brain, allowing it to think more clearly. Take a deep breath, place your hand on your heart, and say to yourself, “[your name], in this moment, you are fine.” Cycle through 3-7 deep breaths. When you place your hand on your heart, it causes a release of oxytocin, a hormone that makes you feel safe.

4.     Practice gratitude and ask yourself: “what is good?” What we focus on grows. If you want more goodness in your life, focus on good things. List five things you are grateful for. Spend more time thinking about gratitude than worry. Try to imagine the best-case scenarios instead of the worst ones. This self-talk may help: “what if I stay healthy and virus-free? What if my immune system is as strong as it has ever been? What if the market rebounds tomorrow and stays there? What if this is my best year yet?” 

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Ginger Rothhaas, MBA, MDiv. is a seminary trained compassion coach who teaches about compassion at the intersection of neuroscience and spirituality. She is the founder of Compassion Fix Coaching, and she has written a book of mental health practices titled Being Human: 150 Practices to Make it Easier. She lives in Kansas City with her husband, their two teenage children, and two very enthusiastic dogs.

You can find Ginger at:

Websites: gingerrothhaas.com, compassionfix.com

Facebook and Instagram: @gingerrothhaas and @compassionfix

New Book: Being Human