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One Thing

  • Writer: Heather England, Ph.D.
    Heather England, Ph.D.
  • Apr 1
  • 4 min read

Contributed by Heather England, Ph.D, Love Filled Life

self improvement

 

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Many of us have a deep drive to live our best lives. We tend to make big plans for self-improvement, whether that’s eating healthier, reading more books, or looking good for swimsuit season. We enthusiastically create lists of goals and envision the "new me." But if you’re like many women navigating midlife, these lengthy lists can quickly shift from exciting to overwhelming. Instead of energizing us, they can leave us paralyzed, unsure of where to start or how to keep going when life inevitably gets in the way.


In my work as a psychotherapist, I often see clients struggling under the weight of too many competing priorities. They have a genuine desire to grow and improve, but they’re spinning their wheels. The good news? There’s a simpler, more effective way to approach change: focusing on just one thing.


Why One Thing?

The idea of narrowing your focus to a single goal might feel counterintuitive. After all, shouldn’t we aim to be the best versions of ourselves in every area of life? But research and experience tell us that multitasking—or in this case, multi-goaling—is often a recipe for burnout and frustration. When we spread our energy across too many changes, we dilute our ability to make meaningful progress in any one area. On the other hand, when we choose one thing to work on, we can give it the attention, intention, and persistence it needs to truly take root.


The Power of "What’s Your One Thing?"

When clients come to me feeling stuck or overwhelmed, I ask them a simple but transformative question: What’s the one thing that would make your life better? 


This question often stops people in their tracks. They pause, reflect, and begin to zero in on the change that would have the greatest impact on their well-being. For some, it’s improving their physical health. For others, it’s strengthening a relationship, finding more joy in their career, or carving out time for creative pursuits.


Once we identify their one thing, we work together to develop actionable steps to move in that direction. By staying focused on this single priority, my clients are able to make steady, meaningful progress—and, just as importantly, they begin to feel a sense of accomplishment and control over their lives.


How to Find Your One Thing

If you're ready to embrace this focused approach to personal growth, here's how to begin:


  1. Reflect on Your Current Life: Take some quiet time to think about what’s working well and what isn’t. Where do you feel stuck, frustrated, or unfulfilled? Conversely, where do you feel energized and content?

  2. Ask the Right Question: Imagine a magic wand could change one thing about your life. What would you choose? What shift would bring you the most peace, joy, or relief?

  3. Be Honest and Specific: Your one thing doesn’t have to be dramatic or impressive to anyone else. It just has to matter to you. For example, instead of a vague goal like “get healthier,” you might decide your one thing is to walk for 20 minutes every day or to improve your sleep by going to bed earlier.

  4. Trust Your Intuition: You might already have a sense of what your one thing is, even if it’s been buried under other obligations and expectations. Trust yourself to know what matters most.


Turning Your One Thing Into Action

Once you’ve identified your one thing, it’s time to translate it into achievable steps. Here are some tips to help:


  • Break It Down: Big changes are made up of small actions. If your one thing is to strengthen your marriage, for example, start with a specific habit like setting aside 15 minutes each evening to connect without distractions.

  • Create a Plan: Write down your goal and the steps you’ll take to reach it. This helps you stay accountable and track your progress.

  • Celebrate Small Wins: Every step forward is worth celebrating. Recognize your efforts and allow yourself to feel proud of what you’re accomplishing.

  • Give Yourself Grace: Life happens. If you miss a day, a week, or even a month, don’t throw in the towel. Remember that progress isn’t always linear, and it’s okay to start again.


The Ripple Effect of Focusing on One Thing

Here’s the beautiful irony: when you focus on one thing, it often creates a ripple effect that positively influences other areas of your life. For example, prioritizing your health might give you more energy and patience for your family. Strengthening a relationship might boost your confidence and reduce stress. By putting your energy into one meaningful change, you set yourself up for broader, more sustainable growth.


Embracing Focused Change

As you focus on self-improvement, I invite you to let go of the pressure to overhaul your entire life. Instead, give yourself the gift of clarity and focus. Ask yourself: What’s my one thing? Then, commit to nurturing that one priority with intention and care.


Remember, progress isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence. By choosing one thing to work on, you’re not limiting yourself—you’re setting yourself up for success. And that's an approach that can transform your life, one focused step at a time.

 

Heather England, Ph.D., MBA, LCP, LCPC, CST is a clinical psychotherapist, certified sex therapist, and life coach who teaches about the power of strong relationships and the importance of intentionally creating the life you truly want. She is the founder of Love Filled Life, and the host of the Great Sex Podcast. She spends as much time as possible with her blended family of six adult children and her incredible grandkids. She likes to enjoy the sunshine, explore the Kansas City metro, and hang out with friends.

 

You can find Heather at:

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