Financially Supporting Young Adult Children

Contributed by: Cindy Wysong, CFP®

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While scrolling through television programs the other night, I stumbled across the 2006 rom-com Failure to Launch.  In this movie Matthew McConaughey plays Tripp, a charming thirty-something man still living at home with his parents who, increasingly frustrated by his lack of independence, hire a professional to help him finally “launch” into adulthood.

The premise may be exaggerated for laughs, but the underlying tension is real and more common than many parents expected when their children turned 18.

Today, more young adults are living at home, receiving financial help, or relying on parents for longer stretches of time. Whether your child is 18 or 30, figuring out how much financial support to give is one of the most complex and personal decisions a parent can make. There’s no universally right answer. It depends on your values, circumstances, and the dynamic you have with your child.

What I can offer is an informed perspective, shaped by my own journey: leaving home for college nearly 30 years ago, raising two teenagers today, and working closely with countless clients as they navigate their own “next generation” conversations – especially with young adults.

Whether you’re covering college costs, helping with daycare, or making cash gifts, it’s worth pausing to really consider the questions below.  For example, let's take paying for college – often the first major financial decision parents face regarding their almost-adult children.

Some parents feel pressure – whether internal or societal – to foot the entire bill.  Others believe their children should share in the expenses, believing that having “skin in the game” builds accountability and appreciation. 

While there is no right or wrong answer here, I encourage every parent to consider the following questions before determining how best to help their child:

1. Does your child appreciate your help?

Whatever form your generosity takes – tuition, housing, childcare, cash gifts, etc. – does your child show gratitude, or do they take it for granted?  If you have a “Tripp” of your own, is your child contributing in return by helping around the house or sharing in expenses? Or are they still relying on you in the same way they did as children?

A mutual respect for shared responsibilities – and sacrifices – fosters healthier relationships and prepares them for life’s realities.

2. Does your help support or hinder your child’s growth?

Financially supporting a child can be gratifying for a parent, but is it helping the child build independence and confidence, or is it undermining their ability to succeed on their own?  Sometimes, the most valuable growth comes from struggle. Achieving a goal through one’s own hard work and determination can have long-lasting positive effects.

Have a candid conversation with your child: are your actions aligned with their long-term goals, or might your support be unintentionally delaying important life lessons?

3. Does your help support or hinder your own goals?

Obviously, parenting doesn’t stop when your child turns 18, but your financial role should evolve over time.  In most cases your child’s dependence on you should wane, which allows you to focus more on yourself and your long-term goals and aspirations.

Does financially supporting your young adult children align with your financial goals—or stretch them? If helping your child is part of your long-term plan, that’s wonderful. But if it’s coming at the cost of your own stability, it may be time to reconsider.  Remember: just because you can help doesn’t always mean you should.

Ultimately, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. But with thoughtful reflection and open, honest communication, you can find an approach that works best for your family.

If you’re feeling unsure, revisit these three questions as a starting point. They might help you clarify your role – and empower your young-adult child in the process.

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Cindy Wysong is a Partner and Wealth Advisor at BCWM, LLC.

To contact Cindy:

Email:  cindy@bcwm.com

Telephone: (913) 685-2300

www.bcwm.com